The abuser distorts the victim's sense of reality to convince them they are crazy or incompetent. Also referred to as gaslighting, the abuser insists that an event happened in a much different way than the victim remembers. They may shift the blame onto the victim, challenge their memory, trivialize issues, question their sanity, and more. 

Examples: 

• "I never said that; you're just putting words in my mouth."
• "You're getting upset over nothing."
• "Did your family put you up to this?"
• "Your friends don't like me. Of course, they're not going to support our relationship."

The victim starts questioning their sanity and feelings, giving the abuser power and control. Despite family and friends that see the relationship as abusive, they make excuses to defend their partner. They are often confused and have trouble making simple decisions alone. They are always apologizing and wonder if they're a "good enough" partner.

The abuser has the power and control when the victim cannot trust their perceptions. They are more likely to stay in an abusive relationship despite the red flags to leave.

This form of abuse uses verbal language, intimidation, and other tactics to destroy the victim’s self-esteem and sense of dignity. This can include:

• Name-calling with derogatory terms and/or yelling and cursing.
• If you don’t do what they want, they threaten to break up/divorce, or disown you.
• Being humiliated in front of others.
• Dealing with passive-aggressive put-downs and sarcastic remarks.
• Having your values disrespected because they apparently “don’t matter.”
• Facing constant criticism such that you feel you can’t do anything right.
• Being manipulated into thinking you can’t survive without the abuser.

The abuser does not care about the victim’s essential needs, such as food, shelter, clothing, hygiene, medical care, and much more. Some issues the victim may face include:

• Restricted access to finances or confiscating victims’ savings so that they’re fully dependent on the abuser.
• Malnutrition from a lack of food, water, or refilling medical prescriptions.
• Poor living conditions, such as no place to sleep, no heat/water/electricity, etc.
• Lack of medical care in the event that they are injured or ill.
• Lack of partnership as parents taking care of the children such as supervision, development, health, hygiene, etc.

This type of abuse is intended to monitor the victim’s activity, control whom they interact with, and ultimately deter them from seeking help. Often, the abuser is the person they interact with the most, if not always. Methods of social/technological abuse could include but are not limited to:

• Being isolated inside your room or house without access to car keys, camera surveillance, the door locked, etc.
• The abuser constantly monitors your phone and computer activity, even placing a location-tracking device on your phone to deter you from seeking help.
• Not being allowed to talk to family or friends.
• Being criticized for engaging in fun activities or entertainment, even when your other duties are taken care of. Your “purpose” is to serve the abuser.
• Being homeschooled, your education is filtered without an outside perspective on your situation. You may not be taught how to drive or use a bus pass so that you cannot leave your house either.

Marital rape or child rape is a legitimate issue as it is a power tool for the abuser to dominate their victim in their most vulnerable state. Sexually abused men and boys may be especially hesitant to seek help in fear of negative attitudes about a lack of masculinity. Some methods of sexual abuse that the victim could experience include:

• Being coerced into any sexual contact or behavior without your consent or in your sleep because your choice is not respected.
• Sexually taken advantage of, not only by your partner, but also your parent, sibling, uncle/aunt, or other family members. They may even force you to engage in sexual activity with others for money.
• Forcing sexual violence after physical violence